There are plenty of myths about how you can save your marriage from tumbling down the rabbit hole into the darkness of marital disaster. Let’s have a look at some of those myths and get them into the light of truth:
1. Personality problems ruin marriages
Research has found only the weakest connection between neuroses and ‘failing’ at love. We all have our ‘crazy moments’ and even so called ‘normal’ people struggle on a daily basis and might, at times, react in a less than acceptable manner. Being irrational is not monopolized by the people with personality problems or neuroses. The key to a happy marriage, according to relationship expert John Gottman, isn’t having a ‘normal’ personality and always being rational but finding someone with whom we mesh.
The point is that personality problems don’t have to ruin marriages. What matters is how we deal with them. If you can accommodate each other’s strange side and handle it with caring, affection, and respect, your marriage can thrive.
2. Having similar interests will keep you together
While we share similar interests with many people it still does not necessarily mean we like them and want to spend our lives with them. The enjoyment of similar interests has more to do with the interactions while pursuing the activity – if they are supportive, respectful and loving then the couple will stay together anyway. However if the interactions while partaking in the activity undermine the couple’s interest in each other or if they are filled with frustration and anger then it is not in the best interest of the marriage to continue joining in these activities together.
3. Avoiding or too many conflict will ruin your marriage
Whether you are in the low or high number of conflicts is not yet a determining factor in marital success or failure. Couples simply have different styles of conflict. Some avoid it at all cost, some fight a lot, and some are able to talk about things and find a compromise without ever raising their voices. One style is not better than the other as long as the style works for both people. Partners can run into trouble if they prefer different styles and want the other to join their preference.
Happy marriages are never perfect unions but are based on a deep friendship. A long-lasting relationship can be successful if both partner have mutual respect and share their fondness of each other in little ways on a continuous basis.
Make sure to look after your relationship’s health and get support from a trained therapist if needed.
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