First dates can be stressful. What do I wear, what will I say, how will he be, etc. Turn this drama into fun “empowered dating.” Whatever you do before the date, dress, work out, do this for you, not him. Feel fabulous about you. Keep this thought in your mind: Is he worthy of the hotness that is you? Does he treat you like a lady? Does he say things to you that raise a little red flag? If he says something you don’t like, tell him. Order whatever you want. Thank him for a lovely evening. Below is an example of a recent date. It addresses the above issues. I have included tips in italics that help you effortlessly steer the wheel in dating. You’re in the drivers’ seat ladies! So let’s start driving the car.
Last night I met “A” at a lovely tavern that features live music. We sit and I’m hungry. I’d like to share something. Sharing is fun.
Me: Would you like to split something?
A: Sure, whatever you’d like.
Me: How about the cheese tray.
His expression was priceless. Not a cheese tray guy. (Lesson #1: Order exactly what you want. Not what you think you should be ordering on a date) He says sure to the cheese tray. Good, witty conversation. He’s interested in every aspect of my life. We get to him. He talks a bit, but it becomes very clear that he’s lonely.
A: I just want to meet someone, anyone to spend time with. (Lesson #2: This is a red flag. Do you want to be Miss Anyone?)
Me: (I smile warmly…remember to play) and say “We’ll that’s flattering!”
A: No no, that’s not what I meant. (Lesson #3: Yes it is. He was caught and back pedaled in a way that said “Gotcha!” to me)
I let this go…for now.
More conversation about how lonely and hard it is to be single. I tell him that people should focus on the good in their lives. A lot of single people look at the coupled people and want that. Then they pick someone “just to be in a relationship” and a lot are miserable and settling. The married people yearn for the freedom of the single people. If we’re constantly looking for the good in our lives, we’re focused on good and not “the what ifs” “if onlys” and “I so wish I had this.” (Lesson #4: Express your opinion. Even if it’s something he may not agree with)
He agrees but continues his lonely tangent. I’m understanding. I encounter so much loneliness everyday. That’s why I want to bring back laughter, fun and play into our lives. (Lesson #5: Communicate. Dating is not just about him. This is about you and your pleasure. I’m not going to be “Miss Anyone” for this lonely guy. I want respect, fun, play, laughter. I don’t want to hang out with a guy who’s going to be a downer all the time. I’m going to communicate this to him, see his reaction, and see if he produces by his actions. If not…I’ll move on to another prospect, and not think about it one more minute. Unless it helps you, gorgeous!)
“A” wants to know what I’m doing this weekend. I’m booked. I don’t divulge too much information. I tell him that on Friday night I’m watching my favorite TV show. He can’t believe I would rather sit home and watch TV than go on a date with him. (Lesson #6: Don’t give your stuff up for a man…it’s your stuff!) It’s time to go. I know he’s going to ask me out again.
A: Would you like to go out again?
Me: Maybe…(with a smile)
Me: I didn’t say no…
A: That’s true…
Me: Listen…I have a request.
Me: If I go out with you again, I want to play more. You went on quite a tangent on how you want anyone to spend time with. I’m not going to settle for being “any” girl. It’s like me saying to you on the first date: My biological clock is ticking. How can we get this moving so A B and C can occur as soon as possible? That would turn you off wouldn’t it? Do you understand what I’m saying to you?
A: Yes…I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be such a downer.
(Lesson #7: Do not let something that turns you off go. Communicate clearly and unemotionally. ) Cut the man some slack. He could have made an honest mistake due to nerves. He listened to what I had to say. He followed up on it first thing this morning in an email:
It was a pleasure sharing your passion and energy last night. It would be nice to play together again. Except Friday at 10PM. Enjoy the Sci-Fi…
Does driving the car sound fun to you ladies? Women have so much power over men. They don’t realize the fun they could be having. Loving yourself, knowing exactly what you want and clear communication are keys a fantastic love life.
© S Stevens Life Strategies